You just had a long weekend. Regardless of what you did durning your days off, you still need to make it into work now. #lifesux #wherearemybilliondollars #mammawhyyyyy
Here is a list to help you through your first day back to the grind.
1. PRAY NO ONE WORKS A NERVE: After your time away, logically you would think you are relaxed. You are. But that is vacation you. Work you is pissed that you didn’t get to sleep in and that you will also have cook your own dinner tonight. And you most definitely not allowed a mojito or wine at lunch. No one at work understands this. And those who do are jealous that their weekend sucked while yours rocked. Avoid these people like the plague. They want you to go to jail. So pray hard to whatever deity you believe in…God, Zeus, Jimmy Choo…whoever.
2. TAKE A SHOT OF COURAGE: Whether it is a shot of espresso or whiskey, you’re going to need an extra boost of morning courage. Depending on how hard you partied you may need both. Do not skip this step. You will regret it later.
3. AVOID ANYONE WHO LOOKS HAPPY: You don’t need this *ish in your life today. These are people who should know better and properly respect the VRP (vacation recovery period). If they don’t approach you with condolences and hugs of support you don’t need them in your life.
4. DON’T CHECK THE TIME: It has been scientifically proven that time slows down 1000 fold the day after you come back from vacation. Checking your phone or watch for the time will only throw you into fits of depression or rage. You’re too cute for that.
5. START PLANNING YOUR NEXT VACATION: The only way to truly get through this day with your sanity intact and your job secure is to mentally start planning your next vacation. This IS A MUST. It doesn’t matter how far away that time is. Take solace that that day will come.
Go forth my friends and survive till the weekend.